I've got asthma and chronic bronchitis.

Don't think I've always known that.
I didn't.

My gram found me in the craddle, not breathing.
I would have died unnoticed when she hadn't been there.
She picked me up and yelled for a doctor.
I was revived and they put me in an oxygentent.

None really bothered thinking about it. No one questioned the conditions of my lungs.

So when I got sick when I was with my parents and some other familymembers at sea, none thought there might be a link.
Well.... the doctor there asked if I was asthmatic and he told my parents to go home.

They never bothered to have me tested.

I was a kind girl during puberty. I didn't want to bother anyone. (Well I was afraid of punishment...). The only real problem was that I didn't put on any weight, and that I slept very bad.

Now we know that even though a sleepingroom looks clean and tidy it still can trigger allergic reactions in the respiratory tract.

At the time however the doctor didn't think about that. She asked me if I was concerned because I didn't have a boyfriend, and when I told her I didn't care, she gave me sleepingtablets. She meant well.

More and more I was suffering from allergies. Especially at the beginning of spring and the end of the summer.
My mother thought I'd been crying on the bycicle when I came from school. I just had to pass certain trees and flowers, I now know, trigger my worst allergy attacs.

By the time I got married I'd found out I was allergic and each year it got worse.
Or honeymoon was in the woods and mountains in Germany and I enjoyed a greater breathing capacity, like my lungs had grown.
It all reversed when we drove home and was lost after three days.

We got a new doctor and she informed me I suffered from allergies that needed treatment because they had a bad influence on my breathing and my health.
I got tested and turned out to be allergic to almost everything, including chemicals like cleaning liquids and perfumes.

I got tablets and slept two days on end...
Never took those again.

Already I had problems eating some kinds of fruit. My tongue itched.
Within a year I couldn't eat a piece of any regular fruit, and I had problems eating carrots, lettuce and a lot more.
My tongue got very painful and swollen, my ears would ache and itch and then a more general allergic reaction would set in.
I was lucky though: thoroughly cooked I got no allergic reaction.

Everyone said the tiredness I experiences was due to the allergies, so I waved my breathing problems away.

I got pregnant, which is a story in itself, and gave birth to a few children.

Everybody told me I was tired because I had a large family and a husband who was working in a different city and was hardly at home.

Then I got pregnant again. At night I woke up and almost couldn't breathe.
This was a heavy asthma attack, like I had seen with my uncle.
I knew panicking or fighting for breath wouldn't help.
So I went downstairs and tried to relax and let the air find as much space as possible.
I knew the little baby inside had died.

Even then I was told I wasn't dealing with asthma.

Not a year later I managed to get tested. Within a few months I got pneumonia 6 times, so the doctor was interested to know what caused it.
I got the tests and the same day I was told I've got severe asthma and chronic bronchitis.
With a pile of recipes I went home.

With pills and inhalers I try to stay on top of the problems.
At first I felt embarassed when I needed to inhale, especially when an asthma attack was caused by the perfume or smells of other people.
Hairspray and certain deodorants, some shampoos and showergells make me gasp for breath and feel bad the rest of the day, even when I take my meds.
Smoke makes me feel ill, and, what others don't see, makes me sit up almost all night, because I can hardly breathe.

The meds can't take all the reactions away, they only take the sharp edges from the problem.

People don't understand that for hours I'm fine and full of energy and the next moment I'm completely exhausted.
When I make an appointment I always say that it can happen that I won't be able to come.

We're not living at a good place for people with asthma. There's a lot of what they call "fine dust" in the air.
When I have to travel I'm always amazed how well I start to feel when I leave town.

My grandmather told my uncle in the past he had a choice between being the victim of a disease or being someone who managed a disease that was like a kid during puberty.
Well, I made the choice too.

My allergies and asthma are a day to day confrontation with how I deal with illness and how I deal with myself. And indirectly it also affects the people around me.
I don't want to force them into an attitude that they pity me, or that they constantly have to take my problems into account.

Here in the house there are rules considering the use of cleaning stuff, hairproducts, deodorants, make-up (some lipgloss stinks!) and perfume.
They stick to the rules, they won't hear me complain. LOL!
Visitors know we have three people with asthma here, so it's no smoking, no pets.
I'm OK making an appointment to go for a walk with their dog, so I come halfway if they want to.

People can't see though how I live through a night when I can hardly breathe.
I see no use going to the ER, unless I'm unconscious. They just use the meds I have at home and let me go or admit me.
(Well, they can admit me when I'm unconscious. LOL!)

I try to have a walk each day on top of being bussy in the house and doing some exercises during the day.
I know I should sport more, but I can't.

Asthma is a chronic disease, but can be managed.
There are days I experience no problems at all, and day I have an attack than can be blocked within 15 minutes by the approriate meds.

Once in a while I'm confronted with "status asthmaticus". That's a very severe asthma attack that can last for days.
The airways are very constricted and the daily dosage of meds can't deal with it.
Many people are brought to the ER and get steroids.
Because it's unethical to withold meds at such cases there's never been done any research to see if the meds really do the trick or if there are other circumstances that alleviate the symptoms.
In Russia people are brought to certain caves, where the air is unpolluted and fresh, and they just have to lie or sit there and relax.

So I try to relax as much as possible, so I won't lower my bloodoxygen any more, use plenty of meds and wait till it's over.
Great times to sit at the computer and get distracted, or watch movies I wanted to see and had no time for.

Dealing with chorin illnesses makes the world a bit different.
People are not very patient and they don't like to see appointments cancelled because someone just can't breathe properly.
Some can't understand that I'm a normal person one moment and can't breathe another just because something causes my airways to constrict. They think I'm making it up, or it's something psychological.

Well the only psychological aspect is my own reaction to the problems.

If it happens I'm not shocked. (Maybe I'm a bit angry because people smoked right into my face, for instance.).
I won't panick, like some asthmatic people do, and I'm not leaning forward like I have to find air on the ground.
I keep cheerfull. I try to relax as much as possible, and I focus on things around me.

Maybe I'm lucky. My uncle died from asthma and I've seen him go through very bad times, so I know it can always get worse.


If you have any questions, just mail me.